Tips for Teenage Boys on Respecting Girls

I received this email from a friend of mine and I thought it had a lot of insightful points.

You may want to consider forwarding this to your players, the parents of your players and having a talk with your team or in your mentor groups about these points.

With the hope of offering some helpful tips to young men on respecting girls, we interviewed several moms and dads, teenage and college age boys and girls who we consider to be wise and prudent in this matter.

Tips for Teenage Boys on Respecting Girls
These tips are useful both in and out of dating relationships both in high school and college. We do not recommend having serious dating relationships in high school. In general it is better to stick to larger groups and any relationship should be paced, chaste, respectful, non-exclusive, and public.

1.       Be sincere (don’t try to be somebody you are not…girls see right through this.  You are much better off just being yourself)

2.       Don’t brag, talk too much about yourself, or speak poorly of others

3.       Â­Be kind to EVERYONE.  (A girl judges whether you’re a good guy not just by how you treat your buddies or herself, but ALL people: the janitors at school, waiters, kids you’re not necessarily friends with, etc.)

4.       Be respectful of the rules imposed by a girl’s parents.  Every family has different guidelines with respect to movies they’re allowed to watch, parties they’re allowed to attend, curfews, etc.  Don’t criticize, make fun of or even worse encourage her to break them, no matter how much you want to spend time with her.

5.       When you go up to talk to a girl, make a point to say hello and talk to her friends as well

6.       Don’t expect a girl to hang out with you and ten of your buddies.  This can be very uncomfortable for a girl.  Ask her to bring a few of her girlfriends along as well or don’t insist that she come over to watch a football game if it will be all guys.

7.       Be very selective in the movies you take girls to see. Inappropriate content makes a girl feel very uncomfortable and it is simply not considerate to put her in that position.

8.       Be a good listener. Ask questions and allow the girl to talk (don’t dominate the conversation). When a girl has a problem, she needs to talk about it.  She is looking for empathy (NOT sympathy) and not necessarily a solution. If she asks for advice give it to her (and give it some thought).

9.       Give special attention to etiquette and chivalry:
a.       Stand up when she stands up from the table, and stand up when she returns to help her with her chair
b.       Hold doors for the girl, especially car doors
c.       Give the girl the seat of preference and offer her a seat if there are none readily available
d.       Walk a girl to her car if she is driving alone
e.       Check on the girl to make sure she gets home safely
f.        Come to the door when picking a girl up and meet the parents and come to the door when you drop her off as well
g.       Stay out of other girls’ bedrooms and don’t bring them into yours
h.       Keep eye contact (if you can’t look her in the eye, look away, not anywhere else)
i.        Walk on the outside of the sidewalk (the guy is the protector)
j.        Don’t cut off conversation for a social text or call
k.       A guy should be the one initiating contact (phone calls, etc.)
l.        Give preference to calling over texting and always take care of important business face-to-face
m.     Respect girls online and via text the same way you would face-to-face

10.   Most importantly, treat a girl with RESPECT. She is not an object, but one of God’s beautiful creatures.  Dating and friendship are for getting to know the person rather than for physical intimacy. Girls are created in God’s image the same as guys. If you always try to see a girl the way God does, you won’t ever have a problem treating her with respect.

God bless,
Fr. Michael